What if the Lord is entrusting us with suffering?

Recently, I have found myself reflecting on the joy of parenting my four children and, in particular, have been experiencing overwhelming feelings of thankfulness and wonder that the Lord saw it good to give us our youngest daughter through adoption this past year.

She has become such a happy little girl and has overcome incredible obstacles in her life. Sometimes I find myself so caught up in the wonder and delight of her life, becoming intertwined with our own, that I forget what we suffered to come to this point. I forget the challenges she came with. I forget the battle we fought for her safety, health, and security. I see this beautiful, cheerful daughter, and I am so caught up in the bliss of being her mom that I forget the cost, the time, and the long nights of lament and prayer that carried us here.

Today, I am writing this from the Boston Children's Hospital as we continue the medical care her little life requires, and rather than feeling her needs as a burden, I find myself thanking the Lord that He chose to entrust me (and my husband) to care for her.

My perspective has changed radically as I have grown in Christ. He has allowed me to learn from experiences and to see His goodness in the place of suffering and hard things. I could sit here, frustrated that we are losing a day of work, or that my husband has to stay home with our three other kiddos instead of coming with me, or having to deal with medical challenges, or so many other difficult factors in our current circumstances. And to be totally transparent, I have been in that mindset before, grieving things and wishing they were different. Asking God why me, why my children, begging Him to change our circumstances, complaining constantly, questioning God's goodness and faithfulness, questioning my ability to endure.

Let me be very clear- it is appropriate to grieve hard things. It is human to question, to weep, to feel exhausted and overwhelmed by our experiences at times. I am not saying it was wrong for me to struggle with God or to seek His compassionate, gracious help or answers to why I was walking through the particular circumstances that I was. What I am saying is that as we walk with Him, as we grow through the power of the holy spirit, our suffering should and will produce fruit. It will change us if we let it.

I am realizing that what I have walked with my oldest and her medical needs has equipped me to see God's goodness, faithfulness, and provision, enabling me to sit in His presence with contentment, peace, and trust in this new season. It has left me thinking about Job and about the parable Jesus told to his followers in Matthew 25 about investments. Something I have never really considered before is that God trusted Job. Satan could see the exterior of Job's life and challenged God. But God does not just see our exterior actions, words, and choices. He knows our hearts. He knows our motives. He can go beyond the exterior. It was not a threat to God that Job's integrity and motives were in question, because God saw deeper than Satan could. We see this throughout scripture, both in the New and Old Testaments.

Jesus said to the Pharisees and Sadducees:

"You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts."

Luke 16:15

When Samuel was instructed to anoint a new king, the Lord said to him:

"Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature... For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

Samuel 16:7

"For you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind." 

1 Kings 8:39

 "Would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart." 

Psalm 44:21

It did not surprise God that Job loved Him from his heart and not just because of the blessings that God gave him. While Job did not respond perfectly (because hello, he was human), his devotion and faithfulness to the Lord were never in question because the Lord knew his heart. God, in many ways, trusted Job to steward the suffering not because he thought there was a high probability that Job loved God or that Job would be faithful, but because He knew him and knew the kind of man that was being tested. AND not only did the Lord know the condition of his heart, but he allowed the suffering to continue sanctifying him in the process. The suffering did not accomplish what Satan was hoping for. Instead of exposing a faithless man, the suffering produced an increasing reverence, love, and devotion to the Lord. God did not waste any part of that season of Job's life, but used it to INCREASE the blessing and testimony of God's faithfulness, grace, and glory.

Job's season of suffering did not look neat and clean either; it was messy, confusing, filled with grief and discomfort- but instead of satisfying the emotions of the flesh or giving in to the ungodly advice of friends and loved ones, Job invested in seeking the Lord and discovering the truth of God's purpose in His circumstances.

This brings me to my second point. Matthew 25. In this parable, Jesus shares a story about three men who were entrusted with various amounts of talents (a historical currency). Two of the men invested their talents wisely, returning them to the master with increased value. However, one was afraid of losing his investment, so he buried it, returning it to the master as it was given to him. As the story goes, the master was angry with the unfaithful servant who did not invest his talents but rather hid them out of fear, so he took what was originally entrusted to him and gave them to the one who had been faithful with much.

What the Lord has entrusted us with, we are given the responsibility and authority to decide how we are going to steward it, whether we are entrusted with little or with much.

"One who is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in

very little is also dishonest in much."

Luke 16:10

More often, we look at this from a monetary lens. What do we materially have to steward? And if we are faithful with it, will then the Lord increase our blessing because we are faithful with little?

What if Jesus's point was not about the money? Jesus' parables were often used to expose something on the inside. The heart of man. His point was to get underneath our exterior and expose the interior (which he already fully knows)

In the Jobs case, the thing God entrusted him with that produced fruit was not the blessings of wealth, but the suffering he stewarded, because it was not the wealth that produced the fruit of spiritual godliness, but the suffering. God entrusted Job with great suffering, and it produced something powerful and beautiful, which spilled out of his life into the hearts of his friends, who then also came into right standing before God. Job's faithfulness not only produced righteousness in Job's life but in the lives of those he loved.

Jesus primary concern is not whether we are increasing our wealth or material blessings, but whether our lives are producing spiritual godliness, fruitfulness, and repentance. Are we being made new? Are we being a light? Making disciples? Living in a way that is making the Kingdom of heaven increase in population?

How do we live our godliness, righteousness, and conviction in such an evil, broken world?

In my life, godliness and righteousness have been most produced not by an ease of life, but through suffering, pressure, and pain.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Romans 5:3-5

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Hebrews 12:11

In the Lord's deep, gentle, and gracious love for us, through His endless mercy and compassion, He allows His children to experience the pressures of this world for the sake of our enternal place of belonging with Him.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison".

2 Corinthians 4:17

So, what if our suffering is the talents that our good master is entrusting us with? If our afflictions are preparing for us an eternal glory, how are we then going to steward them? Are they producing fruit? Are they changing us? Or are we stuck in a loop, afraid of facing the pain, our own hearts, or God Himself? Are we burying our experiences and avoiding dealing with the heart issues it is revealing? Are we ignoring the conviction of the Spirit in our lives? Are we hiding or avoiding correction? Accountability? Community? Are we more concerned about how a situation is directly impacting us in the moment than we are about the holiness it can produce in us? Are we seeking God's kingdom through the pain? Or are we allowing our pain to redefine God's kingdom?

I think of my own life. There were some long seasons when everything felt like it was going wrong, and the weight of my circumstances and suffering felt crushing and impossible. It seemed impossible that God could redeem it, use it for my good, or produce fruit from it. It felt cruel and unnecessary. I experienced an exceptional amount of situations and circumstances in my life by the time I was in my late 20's. As I would share stories with people, I was often met with disbelief that I had experienced so much already. Honestly, I was angry and wrestled with the Lord over it for a long time.

There are things we will experience in our lives that are a result of our own sin or choices, but when you (I) love the Lord and are earnestly seeking Him in your life, to then feel as though you can't come up for air because of the unrelenting battering of circumstances, it is tempting to allow the enemy's lies to derail your faith. "Does God really love you? If He is a good God, why would He allow this in your life? God doesn't care about you."

If we view our circumstances only through the defeating lens of the enemy and do not turn our eyes and fix them on Jesus. If we do not yield to the spirit and wait on our knees as Job did, then we will be left often bewildered, defeated, and discouraged.

As I was talking to God this weekend about my baby, His spirit nudged me. As I thanked Him for our baby girl, for the privilege of walking with her, caring for her, and raising her, I heard Him whisper, "Why are you surprised? Did I not say that if you are faithful with little, I will entrust you with much?" In that moment, my whole life flashed before my eyes, and I remembered the many years of tears and prayers. I remembered grieving my babies that went to heaven, holding my toddler praying for answers and healing over her body, praying for God to heal and move in my marriage, praying for friends, praying for daily bread (literally), praying for restoration in relaitonships, praying for healing in heartbreak, praying for my own health and healing, and so many more circumstance, but praying most of all, that He would be glorified and that I would be made like Him through it all.

The same things that I walk through now, that used to feel impossible, heavy, and devastating, now remind me of God's faithfulness, love, and generous mercy. In those years, when I was learning how to navigate through suffering, as I was learning how to be faithful in the midst of pain and heartbreak, He was producing character, godliness, and teaching my heart to know Him. What I learned through those seasons of walking with my oldest and her health and developmental challenges prepared me to be equipped to steward the life of another child. Furthermore, what many people believed to be a burden has become an overwhelming blessing, joy, and privilege.

I want to challenge each of us, that how we respond, and face suffering has the potential to be an eternal investment, either for death or life, of which we are accountable and responsible to steward. If we can look at our circumstances, and instead of saying "Why me?" and questioning God's faithfulness and provision, what if we said, "Thank you, Lord, for trusting me with this. Help me to walk this in a way that glorifies you, that produces godliness, and that builds your kingdom." We can learn through the gracious, gentle help of the Spirit how to acknowledge the hard, lamenting the broken things, while simultaneously praising the one who loves us enough to cultivate righteousness and godliness in us.

I don't know what you may be walking through today, but what if your suffering is the Lord entrusting you with a talent? How are you going to be faithful with the small things today?

With love,

Riah